Today I slept until 11 A.M. Who does that? (no offense to those who enjoy sleeping) I missed half of the day, which only frustrates me. Now I feel like I only have half of a day to write about it. Which probably helps me because too many things happen in one day here to write about all of them. Even now, while writing this, I can not decide which event or thought of the day I want to write about. Oh the struggle.
I slept until 11 A.M. because I was awake until 4 A.M. Apparently my theory on resetting my body clock is false; but don’t tell me that. Part of the reason I was awake had to do with a conversation I was having with an Italian on Facebook. I am about to take you on the journey of my thoughts. Just try to stick with me.
On Monday, as we were driving to the airport, my brother-in-law mentioned how many things have come his way just because he simply was not afraid to ask. Last night, I had this crazy idea to ask an Italian a question. A few years back I followed this Italian drummer on YouTube. I loved his style, and he eventually was signed with Mapex. A few months back I came across another Italian drummer. I started following his stuff and found out that he was a believer. At least from what he makes public, he seems to be. I mean, I don’t know the guy. Yesterday I saw him in a picture with one of the girls in Bologna that works with our organization. (Technically, I no longer work for the organization; identity crisis) So, I had this crazy thought to just ask him.
I asked him. He knows her. He also goes to the church that we will be working with in Bologna. He also is a professional drummer. He also happens to be signed with Vic Firth, which translates into credentials for those non-drummers reading. He also suggested that we get together and play some music. I just asked. There is more. The point.
Back up 6 months or so to the moment that I first found this guy and his music. Now fast forward again to now. I am not huge on talking about divine appointments, but I also do not disagree with them. Divine appointments make me think about me and my significance in the situation. I rather have myself see the bigness of God in the picture. God is even bigger than that one divine appointment you are focused on, because He is simultaneously divinely appointing a million other things. Now that is something I like to think about.
I have several opportunities this summer to do things that are not possible outside of the ordination of a massively capable and constructing God. So often we get so distracted with life that we forget what God is about. Himself. Because He is for Himself, that means He is always working out a lot of things at one time in order to orchestrate things that will bring glory to His name. We are just these puny little people that get to be the hands and feet of a GREAT God. Geez. Just think about for a second. Again, because I am sure the thought has crossed your mind before.
If you are still thinking on that…….. please continue.
Now, here continues my train of thought, though I am rounding a corner. Tonight it occurred to me that throughout this day there were several times in which I either thought or spoke about instances that people have hurt me, with actions or words. Then it occurred to me that it was foolish to recall any of those things, because I have hurt people. I have hurt some people very badly. Before I was believer, it is possible that my greatest talent was hurting people. Since I have been a believer, well, I am still sinful. I cause a lot of pain. I also cause a lot of pain to people that I love. A conundrum.
How is it that I feel one emotion, yet act in another way? How is it possible to so disregard what one believes in a split second? Satan is more powerful than we think. Yet God our Father is greater still. I don’t think my struggle is new, or one of a kind.
“For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to
do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”
I hate this so much, and I think entirely too much, therefore I often get bogged down under the weight of my thoughts. I just can not fathom my own stupidity at times. I have the tangible power of the Almighty God available to me, yet I let myself be drawn something less.
I read this tonight:
“As warm as is His love is to sinners, so hot is His hatred of sin; as perfect as is His righteousness, so complete shall be the destruction of every form of wickedness.”
You see, God is bigger than me. He is so much bigger than me. I get so caught up on the sin in my life or the ways that I have hurt people or the things that I desire that are missing, that I miss the HUGE picture that God is painting. That picture is bigger than I am; but I am in it. That picture is so big, yet I am connecting with people halfway across the world. God hates my sin more than I do; His love is also greater than mine is. I have to rest in that.
With God, impossible things happen. One of those impossible things is the righting of all the wrong that I have done. It’s done. It is in His hands. He stills wants us to be a part of His big picture though. So we give Him the reigns. Again and again and again. We keep our eyes on the big picture.
I came to Italy three days after finishing the school year. I prayed often for my summer, but I sure didn’t think about it often. Except for the occasional days that I woke up thinking in Italian and had to try to speak English. Today one of the girls asked me what I thought God was going to tell me here. I have no clue. In fact the last two years of my life I have had no clue. (another blog for another day) I am here now and my mind is in overload mode. On this side of the world, it is much easier to see how big God is. It is much easier to see that He is about more than our sin. It is much easier to see that He is about more than our American dream family life. Those are great and beautiful things that God has ordained, please don’t misread that. There is just one massive world out there. America has most of the resources to reach that massive world. Don’t miss that either.
He is big. We are small. He is great. We are weak. He is moving. We must follow. Whatever that means. He desires the world.
I just have to note that I am writing this at midnight. The neighbors are yelling at each other and I can hear every word clearly. I’m pretty sure the Mamma is over 70 years old. Italy.